More Than Anything
by April10163
Summary: There is always one person in your life that you can't live without, one person that you need to function. EO
1. Chapter 1

**More Than Anything**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to SVU **

**Elliot's POV**

_**Anything in italics is from the past**_

I sat in Dr. George Huangs office staring at the cream colored wall in front of me. My face must have conveyed some emotion that depicted what I was feeling right then, it was the third time in fifteen minutes that he asked if I was alright. I told him that I was fine but the truth was the complete opposite. I had never been this far from fine in my life. Last week I discovered that what I had heard various people say time and time again was true. 'There is always one person in your life that you can't live without, one person that you need to function'. I was sitting here in this office because I lost that person. She was buried in Mourton Cemetery six feet under the ground because of my carelessness. When she died in my arms it felt like a piece of my being, my soul had been ripped apart and thrown in an incinerator. Everyone kept saying that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have done anything to prevent it from happening. But they weren't there that day, they don't know what happened.

If Olivia were here she would hate my guts for blaming myself like this. She would tell me that shit like this happens and that I need to realize that it wasn't my fault. And just because Olivia would believe what she said I would begin to believe it too, but Olivia isn't here and she's not coming back. Without her I don't have the strength not to blame myself. After all it is only human nature to do so. If someone we care about dies we can't help but think about what we could have done if we were there, or what we could have done differently that may have prevented the fatal end that came to the person we try so desperately to protect.

The funeral was what some people would consider beautiful. I don't see how something so sad, so permanent can be thought of that way. Saying goodbye to Olivia for the last time was the most painful thing I have ever had to endure. The ceremony was outside where Olivia would have wanted it. She loved the cool autumn air and all the colors on the leaves that looked like they came from a scenic painting.

_"Do you want to go for a walk El?" Olivia asked as she looked out the window of my apartment. _That window had always been Olivia's favorite it has an amazing view of Central Park. She loved to sit there for hours and watch the leaves fall to the ground.

_"More than anything" I said to her. _We had walked in Central Park for hours that day; talking and laughing. She always laughed so much on days when we were off of work. On weekends we would go home and talk or just hold each other for hours at a time.

She knew me better than anyone else. It was like she could read my mind. She knew everything I thought, wanted, or needed sometimes even before I did. It went both ways I suppose. I could see right through the mask she would put on when something was wrong; usually after a difficult case, or just after her mother died. When Cragen called her into his office I knew immediately that something was wrong. She walked out with no expression on her face, her eyes were vacant like no one was home. I remember thinking that it would only be a matter of time until she completely broke down. When she finally did I was there trying my hardest to ease her pain. My words only her cry harder though, so I simply held her and let her cry on my shoulder.

_"Thank you for being there" Olivia whispered into my ear. _Our first night together was filled with soft kisses and whispered I love you's in the searing heat of climax. I had never moved more passionately in anyone than that first night with Olivia. With her I was always more gentle, not because I thought I would hurt her I knew that would never be the case, but because she always brought the side of me that wanted nothing more than to hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

_"Dinner was great Elliot; it was just what I needed." Olivia dug her keys out of her purse and turned to open the door. "Do you want to come in and grab a beer, maybe watch a movie?" _

_"You know I do." I said as I watched her open the door and turn the lights on. _I had laughed when she pulled 'The Lake House' out of a pile of her favorite DVDs. But thinking back on it now it was a good choice. I haven't seen a movie since that comes as close to telling our story as that one. We laid under the warm blanket on her couch for ten minutes before she asked me the question that forever changed our relationship. _"Do you ever think that your soul mate lives in a different time? Do you think it's even possible?" _

_"Yeah I think it could be possible. But no, I don't think my soul mate is in a different time, I think she is sitting next to me right now." _It worried me when she got this shocked look on her face, but it quickly disappeared to turn into a smile. If I remember right she kissed me first. It was like most kisses, gentle at first but quickly turning into something more. _Our tongues dueled for control as our hands roamed forbidden territory. Olivia grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. She moaned seductively when I ran my hand up her flat stomach to cup her breast. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked her as I helped her remove my pants. "More than anything" she said. _

**A/N: I don't know if I should continue this story or not, so review and tell me what you think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

**Elliot's POV **

_**Anything in italics is a flashback**_

_"Elliot, will you marry me?" Olivia whispered in my ear. _It had been cold that night. My heater was broken so we got all the blankets in the house and curled up under them. Olivia loved winter almost as much as she loved autumn. I asked her why one time; she said it was the cuddle factor that accompanied the season. I hadn't understood her answer until the night she asked me to marry her. Olivia never liked fancy romantic dinners with roses and candles; to her snuggling under blankets and watching movies together were some of the most meaningful things we could do together. _I kissed her gently and nodded my head yes because without Olivia in my life, I am nothing. _

A few weeks after the proposal Olivia surprised me again. _"I'm pregnant Elliot." she said softly. _That was another night we spent holding each other under mounds of blankets. That whole night we spent talking about our life in twenty years and how we would be like the little old couple we had seen in Central Park earlier that day. _"Look at them Elliot, their so cute." Olivia said. I looked where she was pointing. The couple was walking and holding hands, every once in a while they stopped to just look into each others eyes. _We were both so sure that we would be just like them, but it will never happen now. I hate thinking about all of the good times it just makes me miss her more, if that's even possible. After Olivia died I quit caring about anything. I quit my job, no matter how much I tried I just couldn't care about the victim anymore. Basically I stopped functioning.

_"Do you Elliot Stabler take Olivia Benson to be your wife?" _Our wedding was perfect. Olivia looked so beautiful. Her dress was breathtaking; it was white like most wedding dresses; the straps curved gently over her shoulders leaving her arms bare; it flowed over her swollen abdomen, where our baby rested, to fall gracefully to the floor. When she walked down the aisle she smiled and watched me the entire time. She had asked Don to walk her down the aisle of course he had agreed; later at the reception during his speech he mentioned that he thought of Olivia like a daughter. Don is gone too now. He suffered a fatal heart attack the day after the wedding. It seems wrong that all of the good people die so young.

Olivia hated to dance, but at the reception she danced with me like a princess at the ball. _I wrapped my arms around Olivia's waist as we began swaying to the soft rhythm of the music. _We looked into each other's eyes for most of that day. I think that was the first time I paid such close attention to the smallest details about Olivia; the way she tucked her hair behind her hair every once in a while, how her eyes would sparkle when she smiled. It's possible that in some metaphysical way I knew that our time together was running out.

_"Let's take a walk in Central Park Liv, one last time before it gets to cold" _It was a dreary day, the sun was blocked by storm clouds, the trees were bare, and there was no snow on the ground yet. We were sitting on a bench in the park watching all of the children running around and playing. We decided that this would be where we took our son to play. _"I'm going to get some hot chocolate do you want anything?" Olivia asked with a smile on her face. _I had told her that I'd have whatever she was having. _Olivia bent down and gave me a quick kiss before she started to walk towards the shops across the street. She looks so beautiful wearing a pair of jeans and a light green sweater. Her hair is down how she likes it. When she gets to the street she turns around to smile at me before crossing. _

_"Miss, will you grab my daughters doll please?" I looked into the street and sure enough there was a small doll laying on it. Olivia bent down to grab the doll when I hear tires screeching and people yelling to "watch out!" I ran to the street as fast as I could, I got there just in time to see a car drive into the window of the coffee shop. I looked to where Olivia was a moment ago to see her laying on the ground a pool of blood underneath her that seemed to be getting bigger by the second. As tears began to fall from my eyes I ran to Olivia. _She died in my arms that day. A snow flake had fallen from the sky to land on her cheek the moment her eyes closed for the final time. Our baby died with Olivia that day, the worst day of my life, the day I knew that living was not an option anymore.

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I walked out of George Huang's office, my eyes puffy and red from remembering. The short drive to mine and Olivia's house seems longer than usual. The house is still filled with memories of her, pictures, clothing, her toothbrush, and the pillow that still smells of her.

Upstairs in our room everything is ready. Since that tragic day I have known what I must do. I pick up the knife that was resting on the bed and look at it for a minute before bringing it down to my wrist. The pain was sharp and immediate. I did it twice more to be sure. As my life bled out onto the bed I shared with Olivia I smiled for the first time in two weeks because soon, soon it would all be over.

I am sure that I am dead now for I am no longer where I was a moment ago. There is a beautiful lake and the trees are colored amazingly, preparing to fall off for winter. I look over to the woods and there is Olivia holding a baby. She smiles at me and waves. When I get to her we embrace more passionately than ever before. "I've missed you" she says as we walk along the shore of the lake.

I have discovered for myself now that there is one person that you can't live without, one person that you need to function. One person that you need more than anything.

**A/N: That's all for this story. I'd love it if you would review and tell me what you think. :)**


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